when 8 is not enough

Dear Michael Phelps,
I would like to congratulate you on your 6 gold medals. Your Olympic
performance has been truly amazing, perhaps even memorable although it
will be hard to eclipse Jason Lezak's last 50m of the relay. That was
memorable! And I commend you on all the world records (some of them
yours in the first place) broken.

But.... America and I have a question. Can't you do anything else
other than just swim? Let's get serious, with that upper body of yours
you must be able to pole vault, or throw the javelin or something!?
If you haven't noticed we are not winning the gold medal count. And in
America if we aren't beating everyone else in the world then we are loosing. So
Michael, we are going need you to step up your game and enter a few
more events.... Starting now.

Sincerely,
Melanie